My journey to motherhood began with the discovery of my pregnancy, filling my heart with indescribable happiness. However, amidst the anticipation and excitement, I encountered a challenging hurdle in the form of prenatal depression. Week after week, I found myself trapped in a cycle of sadness, unable to go without shedding tears for more than a few days.
With the weight of despair growing heavier as my pregnancy advanced, I made a significant decision to turn to the solace of prayer, recognizing that no therapist could match the healing power of God. Pouring out my heart onto the pages of my journal, I beseeched the Divine for mental healing and protection over myself and my unborn child. Through fervent prayers, I began to witness gradual progress in my mental health, gradually regaining my sense of self.
The delivery day arrived, and amidst a flood of gratitude, I thanked God for the blessing of becoming a mother and bringing a healthy baby girl into the world. The tender moments of holding my precious newborn against my chest only served to deepen my sense of joy and gratitude. However, this euphoria was abruptly disrupted when my baby had to be taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), separating me from my little one and triggering feelings of depression and anxiety.
Alone in my hospital room, tears freely streamed down my face, each one representing a heartfelt longing to hold my baby close. In my distress, I turned to prayer once more, imploring the Lord to keep my baby safe and provide strength throughout this painful period of separation. Days turned into weeks, and finally, the long-awaited moment arrived when my fiancé and I were able to bring our precious daughter home. The overwhelming joy and relief filled my heart to the brim, a testament to the power of faith and the unwavering support of the Divine.
Yet, the challenges did not end there. In the weeks that followed, I battled with my self-image, grappling with marks and baby weight that shook my confidence and left me feeling undeserving of motherhood. Each glance into the closet brought forth a torrent of tears, as I struggled to find something that made me feel beautiful. Consumed by sadness, I found solace in solitude, opting to remain at home with my baby rather than venture outside. The absence of my fiancé only intensified my feelings of depression, resulting in lonely and tearful moments during his departures.
I found myself sinking deeper into the abyss of depression. It was during this trying time that I once again sought solace in prayer, engaging in heartfelt conversations with my Heavenly Father. In those sacred moments, the Divine reassured me, reminding me of the natural process of physical and mental healing that comes with the miraculous journey of nurturing and birthing a child. Through the lens of my baby’s innocent eyes, I discovered that my child saw not the perceived flaws, but rather an embodiment of love and nurture – a mother.
With the renewed strength derived from my deep faith, I witnessed the slow dissipation of my depression, replaced by a newfound appreciation for the small and precious moments spent with my beloved daughter. Just recently, I welcomed my second daughter into the world, only to find myself confronted by a familiar darkness. Doubts crept in, whispering that I was inadequate, unable to provide my children with the world they deserved.
But in the depths of my despair, I clung tightly to the reminder that perfection was never the expectation. Healing, both physical and mental, takes time, and as women designed to bring forth life, they are inherently empowered to navigate the challenges that arise. I found solace in my personal relationship with God, knowing that through Christ, all things become possible. It is within this unwavering belief that I discover the strength to grow, nurture, and raise my precious children, embracing the blessings of motherhood with open arms.
Parenting 